Reclaiming Makoto
by Michaela Will
Summary: Makoto has decided to make duty to Usagi her only love, but what and who will it cost her? 3rd Season, Diverges from canon storyline.


* * *

Prologue: 

Makoto leaned over her book a little farther, trying to hide her eyes from the other girls. Not that they would have noticed her at the moment anyway. Mina was bothering Rei about some history assignment she was having trouble with and Ami was trying desperately to get Usagi away from the food and to concentrate on her math homework.

Pulling the book up farther, Mako tried to focus on the algebra text instead of the rest of the world. Yet the pages before her went fuzzy as her vision blurred. Struggling internally, Mako forced the tears away from her eyes. This was not the time, it was not the place for her to cry. She shouldn't be crying over Tomi anyhow, he was a jerk. Or at least that's what she continued to tell herself. All men were jerks, they weren't worth the trouble. Why did she keep doing this to herself? Hadn't she learned yet?

Mako thumped to book shut with a loud smack, calling the attention of the other girls. Mina was first to recognize the fire in her eyes.

"Mako-chan? Are you . . ." She began, sliding away from Rei and beginning to work around the table, slipping an arm around Mako's broad shoulders.

"No." Makoto shrugged off the supporting arm and jumped to her feet. "I've never been alright, I'm not alright!" Bringing a hand to her face, she brushed her flushed cheek with her fist roughly. "You were RIGHT! Okay! That's what's wrong! You've always been right!" She yelled, her voice going up an octave as she gestured to Rei wildly. Taking a deep breath she continued, stepping away from Mina's kneeling form to keep her from offering comfort. All of the others were still a bit in shock from her outburst and too confused to attempt helping her.

"We've had discussions about this all before and I've changed my mind. You were right." Her voice dropped, holding a defeated quality.

"Mako-chan? Wha-what's this all about?" Usagi asked carefully, rather startled by Makoto's actions.

She dropped her head and spoke a little softer. "You wouldn't understand. You don't need to. You have Mamoru-san and you know that he's the one for you. The rest of us have no idea. Sure Rei-chan and Ami-chan have guys they know they can count on, which is why they can say that our duty is to you and love has no place. But I always thought differently, I though that we could have both duty and love in our lives." She sighed. "But I've changed my mind, there's no place for love anymore, that's all there is to it. Rei-chan was right, duty is our only love."

Mako pounded her fist into her cupped palm with determination. "And that's the way it's going to be from now on."

_

* * *

Reclaiming Makoto_

by Michaela Wills

* * *

1 Month Later 

"Come on, Mako-chan, you've been turning into another Ami-chan! At this rate, I'll never get you to another mall again! Just this once! That report isn't due for another two weeks anyhow!" Usagi whined methodically at her tall friend. It didn't faze her at all, except for a slight grimace at being likened to her blue-haired companion, who took the comment without any rebuttal. With sigh she answered the string of complaints.

"I know it's not due for another two weeks, but I just want to get started, is that really that horrible, Usagi-chan? I'll go shopping with you another afternoon. Why don't you ask Mina-chan today?" Mako asked, shifting the bag on her shoulder.

"Mina-chan's sick with a flu."

"Oh." There was a lull as Usagi pouted in Mako's direction. "I'm sorry Usagi-chan, but I want to get this started. Why don't you come with us?" Mako suggested. Ami jumped at the chance to encourage her.

"Yes Usagi-chan, you have to finish this project, also. Why not get started now?"

The look of utter disgust on Usagi's face told her friends that there would be no way to coerce her into a library on such a beautiful day. There were any number of things the blond would want to do on a sunny Friday like this, and none included being shut in a library. Unless, it was with Mamoru tucked by her side and that was not a possibility. Yet she was saved from answering as Mako's bag suddenly slipped off her shoulder, clattering on the pavement, contents spilling everywhere.

"Aww man!" She sighed and knelt down with Ami to pick up the scattered papers.

"Hey, Mako-chan." The soft sound caused Mako's head to snap up in surprise. For a moment a wild look of shock permeates her eyes, an animal caught in headlights. She swallowed.

"Shinozaki-kun." She murmured, clearing her throat, "How are you?"

Usagi and Ami watch in shock, the look of abject betrayal on Shinozaki's face and her awkward reaction to him are all they need to realize that something was wrong. Mako's eyes remained locked on the ground, unmoving and unseeing. She should have stood, or at least looked up to her best friend. Yet she didn't, averting her gaze elsewhere. The nervous look in Shinozaki's eyes scared them, he seemed so lost.

"I'm good." His throat worked painfully, "I haven't seen you much lately."

Makoto tossed her ponytail aside as she stood, eyes still locked on the grass beneath her. "I've been busy . . . with some new activities."

"Mom misses you coming around. She said that next time I see you, I should tell you you're welcome to join us for dinner, anytime. She always makes enough." A hopeful glint began to show through in his eyes. Mako had always loved visiting with his mother. "Why don't you join us tonight?"

Mako kept her head down, concentrating on turning her papers to face the same way without dropping them. She paused for a moment as he spoke, but quickly answered as he finished.

"I can't. I have a lot to catch up with, sorry." She paused for a moment, looking up at Shinozaki for the first time. Their eyes locked as they met, but Mako quickly averted her gaze to look down the path. "I have to get going, I'll see you around."

Whirling on her heel, Mako began to walk away briskly, her head shaking with every step. "I can't get too close. I'll fall for him again, just like before. I can't, I've got to protect him. It's better this way." Letting out a shaky breath, Mako allowed herself to believe her words. It hurt, it hurt terribly, but it was her job to protect, not to love anyone but Usagi. Shaking her head roughly to clear her thoughts, Mako determinedly set her mind to the school project at hand. If she set up a schedule of days to work on it, two hours at the library every two to three days then . . .

"Mako-chan?" She winced at the shrill cry of disapproval from the blond, whose quickened footsteps indicated she was following Mako. Dropping her head slightly, Mako prepared to ignore the rush of angry words that Usagi would throw at her as she skidded in beside the brunette. "I CAN'T believe that you just did that! You're one of the most compassionate people I've ever met! How could you be so cruel! Didn't you see how much you just hurt him!"

She doesn't understand. I can't risk it anymore. If he knew who I am, then he would be in danger, and every single time I see him, I nearly tell him. I can't take the chance I'll break down anymore. Too much is at stake. He's always been a trouble for me like that, and now is the time to get rid of my weaknesses. Destiny and duty are my only loves. Shinozaki is not included.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Kino Makoto!"

Mako halted, wincing at the harsh tone of Usagi's voice. "Usagi-chan," she said softly, "I don't want to talk about it, and I won't." she paused. "I'm going to the library. I'll see you later."

She shifted the weight of her backpack, glancing at Usagi for a moment. It was too much. The look of abject horror on her face said all that Mako could take: She began to run towards the library.

Mako slowed before the arched doorways of the district library. Catching her breath, Mako tightened her ponytail and walked in. The quiet gave Makoto relief, she would no longer be hounded by her problems here, she could work on her report and forget.

If it was only for this moment she needed to forget the pain. It caused her so much pain to push away her best friend. Images began to flash through her mind. All the caring times, all that they had done together, all the times he'd aided her. Shinozaki was the only one who had ever seen her cry. Really, really cry . . .

But he remained a danger to her safety, and she a danger to his.

Makoto shifted her pack higher on her shoulder and began to walk through the stacks. She repeated the set of numbers where she'd find books on electricity to herself. Wandering the stillness eased her mind. The only thing that would bother her here was her annoyance with dust, and that concern was even a minor one. She smiled slightly upon finding the shelves that housed her books. They were near the back of the library, tucked away in a pleasant corner where she could have peace. Taking a thick volume off one of the higher shelves, Mako began to skim for the information she needed.

Shinozaki came back to the tranquillity of her mind unbidden. Closing her eyes, Mako rubbed her temple and once again justified her reasons. She put him in danger. He put her in danger. He's a guy and could cause her to become distracted from her mission. She was tired of having to lie. Usagi came first, not her other friends. Her life had become just too busy. They were all useless excuses, but too, too valid.

Taking a small stack of books relevant to her topic, Mako slipped into the very back corner of the library. It was part of a curved bump-out in the building's form, shadowed by a large wooden shelving unit that was installed later than the others to house extra volumes. Between the bump-out and the back of the unit was a small, hidden niche, which Mako settled in to work.

Sighing, Mako opened the first of the books, trying to concentrate. The words began to blur. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she tried again. She'd been doing this for almost a month now. Makoto had decided that the best way to keep mindful of her task to protect Usagi and her vow would be to avoid getting involved with guys as much as possible. She'd tried to leave Shinozaki out of her avoidance of males, but it hadn't worked. She just cared too much for him, and distancing herself from others had to include Shinozaki if the method was to work. Shinozaki was the only real problem for her now, other guys were nothing.

Her teachers were noticing an improvement in her work and she was seeing the results from it. It made her happy to see that she could really do well. It improved some of her confidence, which enhanced her abilities as a member of the senshi. They had noticed the positive side of her single-mindedness also. Her other time was taken up by study, cleaning, skating and new cooking adventures in her weekends. Last weekend she'd convinced the girls to go to a small temple in the mountains to train their minds a little more. Rei had promised to work with her a little spiritually each week to improve that.

But Shinozaki . . .

Her vision began to haze with the droplets of water still hanging to the rims of her eyes. She was so torn. Everything inside of her screamed in debate, half of her wanted to stay as she was, half wanted to go back. Back to the laughter and close knit friendship she'd given up, despite the constant fear she'd break down and tell him. Rubbing her temples, she tried to think on the concepts of electricity alone, yet it proved to be impossible, her eyes were far too clouded, her head was too full of other thoughts, a tangled web of conflicts. Finally, Makoto slid the hardbound book out of her lap, adding it too the pile beside her. Pulling her knees to her chest, she crossed her arms over her legs to bury her head before softly beginning to sob over the tangled mess of her life. It was just too difficult to think anymore.

* * *

Beep . . . beep . . . beep . . . beep . . . beep 

Mako flew upright, breathing hard. Bringing her arms up, she pressed her hands to her face, temples and neck carefully in fright. Taking deep breaths, Mako tried to calm down. Leaning over, she patted her alarm clock before realizing that the clock was not what woke her. Muttering savagely, Mako strode to her dresser, clawing for her Jupiter wand and communicator.

"Jupiter, wha's up?" She murmured to the green contraption. Ami's faced popped up, a nervous look marred her features. She breathed a sigh of relief seeing Mako.

"Mako-chan, we need you at Tamoen Drive. Daimon attack at the multiplex theater."

"Comin' " Makoto replied briefly before turning the thing off. She sighed deeply, a smile crossing her face.

"Jupiter Star Power, Make up!"

Electric energy jolts through her, triggering a burst of adrenaline to rush over her, heart pounding furiously. The initial pulse of reviving energy begins to subside, leaving Mako-Jupiter with pleasing chills running over. Letting loose a shaking breath, she closed her eyes and reveled in the surge of power. It felt divine, almost as if living her entire life in torment made up for this rush of excitement.

The intensity died away, but the electricity raged inside her, telling her she was done. Beginning to run, a tingling sensation overcame her, giving Jupiter the sensation of new raw power flowing through her veins. Before she knew it, she was thrown haphazardly into the fray by the sensations pounding through her. The intensity of the power was catastrophic, pushing her to release more energy.

"SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!" she screamed.

The snap of current flew from her hands effortlessly as she pushed the level of power fleeing her skin further, the pure power of the moment energizing her. The excitement raged inside, burning passionately as she finally assessed the situation. Dropping beside SailorMoon, Jupiter gave the others a quick salute, dropping into a defensive stance, waiting for another opportunity to strike.

But it seemed the monster had had enough of the senshi games and drove in at the most vulnerable girl. SailorMoon.

A blast of nasty black venom shot from the Daimon's open mouth, flying straight at SailorMoon, the pixie-child shell shocked, one hand half-visible as she reached into her dimensional pocket to grab the most powerful of her arsenal.

Without seeing Tuxedo Kamen looming nearby and without thinking, Jupiter dove at SailorMoon, jarring her arm free of the pocket to send the senshi sprawling into a surprised, but immediately protective Tuxedo Kamen. With a practiced grace the startled Prince of Night wrapped his dark cloak around the two. The wand tipped out of the pocket, landing at SailorJupiter's side as she rolled across the ground.

Taking the attack meant for Usagi herself.

Makoto felt the green aura bubble wrapped around her pop on contact, a cry escaping her mouth as her skin suddenly seared. The vemon spread over her left side, eating at her fuku and then, skin. Grimacing, Jupiter held fast, letting her heart cry in pain as her side was shredded apart. The impact that she'd wouldn't be able to help out anymore assailed her thoughts. She was now helpless, a hindrance. She was failing at her job to protect Usagi. Suddenly a sound lifted over the pain and the stabbing guilt of failure to relive her.

"WORLD SHAKING!" Usagi would be safe now, at least from the daimon. The Outers were here. Another voice broke through the acid pain gnawing her.

"I'll try to be gentle, brace yourself, Jupiter. DEEP SUBMERGE!" Neptune's melodious voice intoned as the raw and agonizing pain began to subside. The ache remained, but the acidic quality fled in the face of free-flowing water. Salt stung her skin, but it was a small pain by comparison. Gritting her teeth moments later, she sat up.

Mako charged down, forcing herself to relax now that the daimon was an egg and a stuffed cobra. Her eyes were hazy, but she managed to pick out Usagi.

"Usagi-chan, are you okay? You almost got hurt." She breathed in a throaty whisper. Her eyes cleared to see the others staring down on her, the most turbulent of emotions being Usagi's and Haruka's

"Baka! You almost killed yourself! What were you thinking Mako-chan! Is that what you want? You make it seem so!" Haruka grabbed her wrists roughly, pulling her palms up for inspection. The once-blue veins were glowing green and edged with black from the pressure Makoto had exerted into her attack. Haruka's grip was unbelievably painful, and Mako grimaced in pain, a cry lodged in her throat. "Look at that! You're pushing too hard Mako-chan! You can't do this to yourself!" Haruka admonished, her voice softening slightly with concern as she released the tender wrists. She turned away in a pacing motion.

Haruka was Mako's ideal, totally devoted to their cause. Usually they didn't watch the welfare of the Inner senshi, but she must have given them a shock. The raw pain and anger in Haruka's eyes told her how worried they were for her. It wasn't clear in the guileless expression of Michiru's face, but Haruka's turbulent reaction said a lot.

"She's right, Mako-chan. We're not sure what's going on, but you have become reckless. You must learn to control your untamed spirit again. What has happened?"

Makoto averted her gaze. She couldn't bear the concerned faces and Haruka's raging. She'd let them down by protecting Usagi. She should have left it to Mamoru, but she couldn't. The pain of loss and helplessness swarmed over her. The wind blew softly and she shivered from the water drenching her. There was only one way the describe it, however inadequate of the turbulent emotions of uncertainty and the desperate need to prove herself to the world as a senshi.

"I had to protect her." She whispered hoarsely, staring straight at Haruka. If anyone would understand the strained need and untamed desire to protect, it would be her. Their eyes held, Makoto begging the elder senshi to understand the pain.

Suddenly, Haruka's gaze became more penetrating than her own, eating past her defenses and seeing straight inside. Maybe it was their common ground. On the outside, both girls were very similar: Tough, tomboyish, defensive and strong, physically and emotionally.

That was what scared Haruka as she looked at Makoto deeply, seeing the intense pain the girl tried so hard to hide. The differences between them climbed quickly as Haruka realized the mask her younger counterpart wore and who else had worn that facade in her youth. She gave Mako a slight smile.

"I see. . . . It won't hurt you Mako-chan, it will make you stronger. I know, I can promise you that." Mako stared at her, uncomprehending as Haruka nodded to Michiru and they left. The pain in her hands and heart still throbbing.

* * *

Pain torn up her left side as it connected awkwardly with the ice. Grimacing, Mako stood again and began to glide slowly across the ice, working the now sore muscles of her thigh to keep the raw feeling away. 

The ice was empty, leaving her all the time and space to play with spins and jumps she wished for. For the last month she'd worked here at the rink. Days like this when she needed to relax and escape she'd stay after closing time and shut the rink down a few hours late. It left her all the space and time in the world, plus the owner trusted her and didn't mind, since it was not one of the larger rinks in the area.

Music cascaded over the ice. The music over the speakers caused a painful twinge of Mako's emotions. The music was echoing with melancholy and mournful tone of raw emotion that sparked pain in Mako's heartstrings. Melissa Etheridge's pained voice crooned in agony the words to Angels Would Fall.

Usually, Makoto worked a routine of classical music, a collage of Russian compositions, that she'd been considering competing with for about a year. But today she was just listening to the radio. And for some reason this music simply suited her today.

The refrain began again as Makoto threw herself into a double Salcow. A series of footwork followed in a spiral, her limbs aching with the tone of the song, enveloping the ice in the words and emotion of Makoto and the song.

Angels, never came down  
There's no one here they wanna hang around.  
But if they knew, if they knew you at all,  
Then one by one the angels,  
Angels would fall . . .

The guitar interlude picked up as Mako spiraled into a combination spin. The music moved quickly, pulling Mako emotionally. The pulse of the music died off effortlessly, causing Mako to pause in reflection of the moment and the tears hanging at the back of her eyes suddenly.

Clapping ensued.

Mako twisted quickly, throwing her feet out from under her, causing her to crash against the ice again. The sudden patter of sneakers on ice and the following skidding noise brought a form to hang over Makoto's blurred sight.

"How many fingers?" Shinozaki asked in a worried tone, holding two fingers before her face. Mako glanced at him.

"Nine." She answered ruefully. He smiled at her sarcasm.

"Close enough for me. Let me help you up." Her grasped her arm and pulled her to her feet, falling down himself as he tried.

Mako was forced to laugh at the funny picture her best friend made, sitting on the ice, his feet entangled in his scarf and her skate, glancing up at her with a childish pout mocking her.

"Oh yeah?" He asked at her laughing response to him. Aiming carefully, Shinozaki's sneakers knocked hard against a pair of tan skates, throwing her off balance. With a quick yelp, Mako ascended to the ice, landing in Shinozaki's waiting arms.

The onslaught of emotions that passed through her as she looked into Shinozaki's eyes caused Mako to stop short of trying to stand. She was caught in his arms, sprawled across the ice as he sat with his arms holding her torso up so they were almost nose to nose, Makoto looking up at Shinozaki ever so slightly. The sparks between them ignited, their breath dancing together, hanging in the inches between the waiting lips.

Eyes connected intensely, a tempting gaze opening to her. Mako stared back at the searching gaze as they both played games in their heads. Her imagination took off, heart pounding in anticipation of the sparks, her mind wondering . . . wondering . . .

Her mind played games, the image of Shinozaki's mouth lowering to hers filled her eyes.

She pushed herself up into a sitting position.

His eyes searched hers filled with longing and pain she felt so deeply. "Mako . . ." He breathed.

She jumped inside. Mako. Not Mako-chan, just Mako.

"Mako . . . I-I know something's changed, but I . . ." He faltered as she now stood over him.

"I-I have to close up, Shinozaki-kun. I-I have to go, we'll have to talk later." She walked away to turn off the lights, leaving Shinozaki in the middle of the ice.

* * *

"Yeah . . . Okay Mina-chan. Uh huh, tomorrow. . . . Yeah, I'll see you. 'Night Mina-chan." Mako smiled and turned off the phone. She turned on the mattress and put the phone in the cradle, shutting off the light before turning back. She propped the pillow on her hands, staring at the window. 

The open window called to her and Makoto climbed out of bed to sit on the sill and stare outside. The wind played with the curtains and her loose hair. The solemn beauty of the night overwhelmed, her, bringing tears to the corners of her eyes. Perhaps . . .

Her thoughts were disrupted by the soft chiming of the doorbell. Wiping a fist over her dry eyes, Mako went to the door and opened it carefully.

"Shinoza . . . w-w-what are . . . why . . ." Makoto began while staring at Shinozaki standing on her doorstep. He walked inside without a word and guided the door shut without heed to Mako's hand resting on the handle. Pacing to the middle of the living room, he sat on the low table as he usually did, giving Mako an even look of absolute comfort that irked her to no end.

"You said we'd talk later. It's later, Makoto." He said with a simple gesture to the couch. At a loss for words, Makoto tried to stutter an excuse. Her heart sped, she couldn't do this, she couldn't rationalize what she had done to him and to herself. Not without explaining everything, but that would put him in danger and up her own dangerous lifestyle tenfold. No. She could not talk to him about this.

"What do you want to talk about?" she asked nonchalantly. If she could keep him talking, then maybe she wouldn't need to talk at all. Or hurt him any more than she knew she already had. Her throat contracted painfully, knowing the accusations that would follow.

Shinozaki looked her in the eye, trying to dissect the rapid emotions he saw flash so very quickly. Fear, desperation, determination and then her resolve fall in. That resolve was the Makoto the world knew. He knew better: there was pain and confusion behind that level gaze. All he had to do was push her the right way and she'd open up to him again . . . the way she always did before. When he didn't need to pry to earn her trust.

"I want to talk about this wall you've erected around yourself. Why you never talk to me anymore. Why you avoid me like the plague. We used to be able to talk about anything. What's changed Mako?" He asked softly, standing again and walking over to her, so she could see the pain in his eyes and hear it in his voice.

"I changed." Her voice was deadpan and emotionless, but Shinozaki saw the tears wavering in her eyes, she was keeping things from him, she was in pain. Very little could ever anger him, but seeing her reserve caused his hackles to rise. Pain became anger.

"So? That doesn't mean you have to keep things from me, we've never had secrets, nothing can change that." He retorted, his pain and frustration apparent in his voice.

He hit a breaking point, but not the one he wanted to.

"No! You're wrong Shinozaki-chan. There is a line, there are things I can't tell anyone! Even you! I can't, I just can't!"

"Why? Nothing is so terrible that I wouldn't understand! I just want thing to be-" he began to protest.

"The way they were! So do I sometimes, Shinozaki! So do I! But they can't be, they never will be! So what am I to do! There's nothing I can do but live with the change. And that means keeping some things to myself, no matter how much I want to share them."

"But . . ."

The small room was on fire with the heated argument and ignited emotions, Both were at the end of their tethers. Shinozaki's frustration was evident in his features, and Makoto was near tears. Running her fingers into her hair, Mako walked to the window to diffuse her emotional turmoil. She needed distance, she needed to release her fury soon. All the anger towards her changed lifestyle was surfacing again, which usually meant a change in the decoration of her apartment. She hadn't hit a wave of depression over the change in almost ten months. Maybe if Shinozaki left now, the pain and destruction could be avoided . . .

"I can't. That's all there is to it. There's a part of my life I can't depend on you to for help. Now please, 'Zaki-kun . . . please go." Mako pleaded softly, her back to her childhood friend as she pulled the dressing gown closer around her.

"Mako, no! I can't just . . ." He began, covering the distance of the room. Grasping her roughly by the waist, Shinozaki moved to turn Mako to face him. But as he grasped her side, it erupted into flames of intense pain, causing her to gasp in shock, her voice catching in her throat harshly. Pulling free of him sharply, Shinozaki stared at Makoto in shock as he watched her collapse on the couch in pain. Her breathing was labored for many long moments as she gently held her side from the pain of her acid induced scars. His blood boiling at the thought of Makoto in pain was too much for Shinozaki to bear.

Walking to the couch, he sat beside her. The pair held a silent conversation for a moment. Mako pleading with Shinozaki not to pry.

"Mako," He spoke softly, bearing down on her with his eyes. Hesitantly, Mako looked around the room before slowly dropping her hands away from the robe wrapped closely to her body.

Taking this gesture as acceptance, Shinozaki pulled away the folds of the robe to reveal the t-shirt and pajama pants Makoto had worn to bed. Carefully, he gathered the edge of her shirt before lifting it free of the skin at her side, revealing the indisposed area to his cautious inspection.

The brittle, charred skin was not what he'd expected to see. Mako looked on the mess with a detached sort of interest that shocked Shinozaki even more. He slowly ran a pair of hesitant fingers over the discolored skin, causing Mako to wince in pain again.

It angered him to see her like this. It was irrational, but true.

"How'd this happen Mako?" he asked, his voice scathing, Makoto winced again at the harsh tone her used. "Part of your big change?"

"Shinoza-"

"No, no! Don't make excuses, because I can tell from that look it's not the truth, Makoto. So don't!" He began to pace slightly, "I don't like seeing this, Mako. I don't like knowing that you're lying to me every time we run into each other. And I don't like that look of quiet acceptance either. Mako, why? How?"

Mako pulled the dressing gown around her closely again in a gesture to protect herself from the emotional pain, but it wasn't working. The tears hanging in back of her eyes was apparent to both of them. She turned her back to him.

"Goodnight, Shinozaki-chan." She said quietly, padding to the hall and opening the door, looking blindly at the floor. Shinozaki stared at her in surprise of this forceful gesture. He felt the need to protest rise in his throat. It was halted by a beeping noise coming from Mako's room.

Her eyes widened in alarm ever so briefly. "Goodnight." Her voice more biting this time. Their eyes locked in a power struggle before Shinozaki slowly walked out the door. Mako shut the door with a sigh of relief and dashed for her communicator.

* * *

Shinozaki stood outside Mako's door in a moment of silent reflection. That had not gone as he'd hoped. Hearing a clatter from inside, Shinozaki began to wrack his brain for an explanation. There had to be a logical reason for all of this, but it slipped past him. He knew the answer was just like one of those puzzle questions: Once the answer is known it needs no explanation, as if one more clue would have made the obvious answer clear as glass. All he really knew right now, was that something wasn't right. Those scars, the burn marks. Scrapes, bruises, black and blue he would have expected. Makoto did fight, though not as often as before. But burns? Burns! 

Makoto's footsteps approaching the door yanked Shinozaki out of his reverie. This was his chance to gain the missing piece of the puzzle, he thought as he hid in the corner shadows of the hallway. She must be responding to her beeper.

Sure enough, Mako walked out the door and checked the hall brusquely for anyone else. Missing the young man in the shadows, she opened the door to the stairwell and began to run . . . still wearing her nightclothes and robe.

Carefully and as quietly as possible, the youth followed his best friend to the roof. To him, his footsteps echoed on the stairwell, his nerves tight in anticipation of the brunette stopping and realizing that she was being followed. She seemed fully distracted by whatever she was doing or going to do, so there wasn't much to fear. Yet he was tense anyhow. This was part of Makoto's secret, he was sure. Which meant he was doing something that every fiber in his body told him was wrong. He was betraying whatever trust Mako had put in him.

Yet he went.

At the top of the stairwell, he found the door to the roof flung wide open haphazardly. Slipping to the door, he looked across the roof to find the slim brunette standing off to the side. Without fear she stood near to unguarded edge. Looking across the Juuban nightscape for a moment, she swung around to check for onlookers.

Once again, she missed Shinozaki in the shadows. He carefully ducked back behind the door as she looked down the road she'd come. With a small smile of excited anticipation, Makoto threw her hand into the air . . .

* * *

"Jupiter Star Power, Make Up!" she called into the night, bursting in a sphere of light, glowing brightly. The thrill, the intense rush of adrenaline and an astonishing euphoria filled her. Her skin tingled with the sensations. The feeling ebbed slightly as she came free of the literal transformation, with the moment of fulfillment complete, Jupiter rushed off across the rooftops, the wind grasping at her hair. 

The park was almost empty, but it was full of screams, yells and roughhousing senshi as Jupiter approached. Remembering Uranus' words, she slowed and came into the clear cautiously. Finding the fish-daimon distracted by SailorMars, Jupiter opened her arsenal to battle.

"SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!" she yelled, zapping the monster sharply.

It whirled to face her in vengeance, perfect! SailorNeptune was in the mists of returning a heart crystal and SailorMoon had the most gorgeous open shot at the daimon's backside. Jupiter made a face at the monster, winking at it, infuriating it. If she could keep it distracted just a moment longer . . .

"SailorMoon!" The husky quality of Uranus' voice penetrated the night.

"Right!

MOON SPIRAL HEART ACHE!"

The blast dismantled the creature, leaving a flopping fish and a cracking egg in its wake. Mako's skin tingled with the radiation of Moon's blast. She hadn't been in the blast, but the heat and power of it was affecting her slightly. Suddenly, Jupiter just wanted to go home and sleep, make the dizziness go away.

The others cheerily left, not really noticing the way Jupiter stood with herself carefully balanced. With a yawn, she waved a sleepy goodbye to her comrades before walking home lethargically. With a lazy lack of protocol, Mako looked up to her balcony three stories over her head. Furtively checking for others and glancing at her fuku and proceeded to leap the ledge to her sliding door. Feeling drained, Makoto powered down, loving the feel of flannel and cotton settling against her skin.

Stepping inside, Makoto began to plod to her warm bed, gracious for the chance to sleep off her new-found exhaustion. That was until her eyes were caught in light. Someone had turned on her floor-lamp, making the room glow with a hateful glare. Through her hazy vision, Mako made out a figure sitting in her favorite green easy chair. She watch the haze recede, the figure growing more definite, a brown mop of hair, one sinewy arm flipping her forest-colored communicator into the air and catching it with lethargic ease.

"Hey . . . SailorJupiter." Shinozaki's calm tenor drawl sounded in her ears.

The urge to curse loudly was the first thing that came to Makoto's mind. Instead, she pursed her lips in a fine, tight line, waiting to see where Shinozaki would take this. He stood.

"So . . . how long has this been going on? At least I know where you got those burn marks from now. That really was concerning me." He was carefully neutral. Obviously, he'd found out, but how? Did he see her transform? But there was no one there. Could she have missed him hiding?

"How did you find out?" Mako asked, her voice low and warning, a tone that Shinozaki was not accustomed to having directed at him.

"I followed you, watched you transform. It was the only thing I could do, you won't let me help you anymore and I needed to know how you got those scars." He answered, letting his voice drop in response to the challenge set. It was now a battle of wits. "Why didn't you tell me? A senshi?"

She looked away from him, her words becoming harsh, final. " I couldn't tell you. You wouldn't just let me go and inevitably get injured. It would have put you in danger."

"Of course I wouldn't let you go alone!" He ranted, "You shouldn't be doing this! It's dangerous!"

Her gaze snapped back at his eyes. "Yes I should be! The Senshi of Jupiter is who I am! There's a reason I do this! I wasn't picked at random! Besides, when haven't I lived dangerously! It's part of me, it's in my blood! My past, my heart, my soul! I can't just give it up once I've found it because it's dangerous! The others need me! I have to do my part, protect them!" She seethed at him, suddenly, the anger dropped away.

"I had to protect you. If you didn't know, you wouldn't get in the way. You wouldn't get hurt. And as long as I fight, this world is safe and all the people I care for. You especially." She turned away from him, shutting him off from her. Shinozaki could only stare. She did this . . . for him? His mind was overloading, it had taken a moment to settle the fact that she was a senshi, that this was her secret. But she had avoided the topic, kept this from him . . . to protect him? It hit him that she was still talking.

"I can't let you get hurt because of me. Every time I saw you, I almost told you what my night life is like. Yet I couldn't, because you would be put into a danger you can't protect yourself from. I have these special . . . abilities and you don't. So I didn't say anything. Finally, it got too hard. And now you know." She paused turning back to him, the familiar touch of resolution in her eyes.

"You have to promise me you'll stay away from the fights, 'Zaki, you have to! Promise me!" Mako demanded and begged all in one breath. He was stunned, he didn't know what he'd expected when he confronted her, but this was not it. Her eyes were shining with pain and hope. With her trust that he'd give her his word.

He couldn't force out the words, it hurt to much, to consign to letting her deliberately put herself in danger every night. He wanted to protect her, like he always had. He was proud of being her 'Rainy day man', the thought of her protecting him in such a way was mind-boggling. He wanted to be the one with the power to keep her out of harm's way. He would keep her safe! Fury rose within him.

But then he made a mistake, he looked into her evergreen eyes. The deep eyes that pleaded with him desperately. His fury and hope to shield her suddenly dropped. He couldn't shelter her in this way. He could keep her out of streetfights, tend to bruises, support her emotionally when she was hurt, but now . . . He'd be useless to protect her on a field of this magnitude. "I promise, I won't get in the way." He whispered, pain throbbing in his voice.

Makoto sighed, letting the tears in her eyes pour over. She leaned into Shinozaki's frame, burying her head in his shoulder, releasing her own pain in tears as she hugged him tightly.

"Thank you, Zaki, thank you so much!" Mako sobbed breathlessly into his shoulder.

Slowly, Shinozaki tied his arms around her, rubbing her back. She'd obviously been torn up about this more than he'd seen. He shushed her softly, resting his head on hers, nestling her close to him. Relishing in the fact she was leaning on him again. Perhaps he wouldn't be able to protect her from these fights, but he could be there for her emotionally. Maybe he could help all the senshi in some way.

Slowly, he lead his crying senshi to the sofa, settling down with her side by side. Drawing Mako back into his embrace, she laid against him as he spoke softly.

"Tell me about all this, Mako. I think it might be nice for you to talk to someone about this." She smiled graciously as her best friend brushed her loose, mahogany hair out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ear. "And I would like to hear about it."

And slowly, the young princess of Jupiter told her best friend in the world about her secret life. He listened with rapt attention, comforting her when it became hard to speak for the emotions she struggle with. The pair conversed far into the morning, finally finding a new ease and honesty within each other.

* * *

Notes: 

Time: This is a 3rd season fanfic. I know that the Outers were still rather aloof throughout the 3rd, but for the sake of storyline, pretend that they worked with each other at some point before the season was totally over.

Mamoru: I refer to Tuxie as the 'Prince of Night' at one point. I know that's not an actual title, but taking from his nighttime . . . excursions and that he is a prince, I thought the title fitting for that moment.

Hope you liked!

-Michaela


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